Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Drunk is not a location!
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
