Will you blow on my dice?
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
