fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
