They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
