4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
