Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
