on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
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