I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
i out mim tonsoeep
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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