i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
This is the high leading the old right now
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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