So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
