We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
