so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
