it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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