he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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