I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
