I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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