All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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