I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I just had sex on a roof
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
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