I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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