bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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