Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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