Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
