He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
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