Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the liver wants what the liver wants
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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