What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
