Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
