That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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