I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
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We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
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I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
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