You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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