I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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