How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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