so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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