i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
