Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Randomize