So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
