guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
