we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
