I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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