I don't usually arrange sex via text message
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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