i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
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