Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize