Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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