You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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