I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
