you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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