Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
