So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
