Fine. I'll sleep in my office
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
