he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
