You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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