one might say we're banned from that church
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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