At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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