pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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