She's JV to your varsity
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
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