No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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