I cut my penus on the lid.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
