So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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