As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
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I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
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Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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